I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
