This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
