I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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