o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
