Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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