conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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