He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
