Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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