That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
