you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You left your phone here
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