YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
