Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
