So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
