She said her name was "party"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
