Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
