I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have fence marks all over my body
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
