Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
