No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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