I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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