im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
