so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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