what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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