I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
