I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
