Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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