Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
