Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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