So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
