@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
