sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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