So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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