He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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