I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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