If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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