I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Never joke about your clitoris.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
