i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
