The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
