I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
