"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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