I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
