how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
