She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
