I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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