9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
