My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
