he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
