planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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