fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
