I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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