I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
