Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
