I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
