It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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