Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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