Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
