She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
