Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
