i need an iv and a liver transplant
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
