i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you will always have a special place in my vag
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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