i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
