I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
