You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
