Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
