I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
