Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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