I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
