shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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