Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
