also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
