Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize